A little too late :(

A little too late to post this. Months since I’ve written this but postponed it. I don’t even know why. I guess I just had hopes that I would still be talking to you over the phone and seeing you when I come home. But your gone and there is this wish that there is so much I should have told you but I din’t

Dear Grandpa,

I won’t even ask you how your doing this time cause I know your not alright. I spoke to dad and he says the cancer has just gotten worse now. You beat it the first time and right when we thought its all gone and celebrated it came back to your life and I know how much its hurting you. The doctors say we all have to just be brave and take care of you. How do they expect us to be brave? You are the only person I know who must be having a hundred friends and relatives who come to see you who genuinely like you and not even once in our lives have we seen you get upset. From the time I can remember I’ve only seen you as the most active and happy person and now its like the life has been sucked out of the whole family.

You said you were doing fine the second time too but you won’t tell me how its affecting you now. When I spoke to you last month you told me how everything was fine and as usual joked telling me how you were just relaxing when grandma was telling me how you haven’t even been able to have food. Don’t leave us grandpa. Please don’t. I want you to still write little notes to me like you’ve always done. I still have that pen you gave me with quotes that you wrote for me. the little bangles you got me with a note that said how proud you were of me and how happy you were when I was getting married.

I can’t even call you and tell you all these things and even if I do manage to call you I know all I would end up asking you would be how you feel and then stammer cause I’ll be at a loss of words. I wish I could just write to you but I know your not even reacting or talking to anyone now. But dad says your listening to everything we say.

Just don’t leave us. Please be strong and beat Cancer this time too.

We all love you appupa and miss you a lot.



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